Morrissey’s Autobiography: ten funniest bits

As Morrissey's autobiography is released as an instant Penguin Classic, enjoy a selection of the most amusingly self-indulgent moments


1. On personal style, p397:
By Tuesday we are at the Montreux Festival in Switzerland, where I can't relax because my hair is far too long.

2. On Austria, p399:
Austria gives off a seductive smell.

3. On the Ramones, p112:
Now I could accept all the suffering that came my way as long as the Ramones were in the world. Singer Joey looked as if he had been murdered in a hospital bed. I've found my twin.

4. On meeting David Bowie, p66:
At midday he emerges from a black Mercedes, every inch the eighth dimension, teetering on high heels, with all the wisdom of our ancestors. Smiling keenly, he accepts the note of a dull schoolboy whose overblown soul is more ablaze than the school blazer he wears, and thus I touch the hand of this inexplicably liberating reformer; he, a Wildean visionary about to re-mold England, and I, a spectacle of suffering in a blue school uniform.

5. On shopping, p71:
The morning after the Whistle Test, I present 50 pence at Rumbelows in Stretford Precinct and I ask for the New York Dolls single.
"See," said one fat assistant to another, "I told you someone would buy it."
At last I am someone!


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